Sayali S. Amarapurkar has a Ph.D. in Family Social Science from the University of Minnesota and has been an NCFR member since 2004. Her scholarly interests include family relationships in ethnically diverse families, immigrant families and families with young children. She served as a research associate and lecturer in Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota from 2004 to 2008. She currently freelances articles, stories and blogs and lives in Edina, Minnesota, with her husband and two sons.

In today's global society, people typically live in places different from where they were born and brought up. Most adult children live a long distance from their parents. Easier air travel and widespread use of cell phones and other technological devices allow families to keep in contact all the time and across long distances. As William and Nussbaum suggested in 2001, increasing use of ever-expanding computer technology innovations, which in 2001 were internet, e-mail and video-chat, have contributed to redefinition of family communication in considerable ways. In 2011, we can add Skype, Google, Facebook, Twitter, I-phone, I-pad and so many other hardware and software developments that have transformed the way people keep in touch.

One cannot think about interpersonal relationships without considering the impact that these modern means of communication have on them. I am very much intrigued by how digital means of communication like cell phones with cameras and texting, internet-based communication like email, chat, video-chat, and social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter to name a few, have transformed the intergenerational communication among family members. Being a part of an immigrant family, where both my husband and I came to the United States as graduate students, I have seen total transformation in how we keep our intergenerational contact and carry out communication with own parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and other relatives. In 1995, when internet was not common in India, letters and landline phone calls were the only means. In 1999, the per-minute call to India was over a dollar; in 2011 it now costs 1 to 2 cents per minute.

As we raise our American-born children here in Minnesota while trying to keep close family ties back home, cell phones and internet-based communication are more than a boon to us. With video chat we can talk to our aging parents almost instantaneously at any time of the day or night. That dreaded phone call at odd hours of night, which is every immigrant's worst nightmare, is less dreadful due to regular day-to-day contact with family members back home. I realized the importance of these modern means when during a regular phone conversation, my father-in-law complained of a minor ailment and as usual my husband (who is an oncologist) took down over the phone a detailed history of what was happening to him and then asked him to get some tests done.  What came of it was he was about to have acute kidney failure. Immediately he was admitted to the hospital, and via phone and video chat, my husband (who is not only a doctor but the eldest son in the family) was able to monitor his father's health minute by minute. His other siblings were there with his dad and helped out, but they are engineers and were helpless in terms of medical matters. With close monitoring over the internet, overseeing the diet, medications, talking to doctors who were taking care of his dad and making sure he got everyday blood and urine test results, my husband was able to "be there" with his dad in spite of being thousands of miles away.

Most cultures of the world value the give and take between generations. A review of literature and general observation in the society shows that modern technology helps to facilitate intergenerational communication so as to carry out various bi-directional functions that such communication serves:

seeking and giving advice, help, and information; carrying out conflict resolution; and most importantly expression of love and caring between adult children and their aging parents.

The communication that takes place between adult children and aging parents can be understood in terms of intergenerational solidarity theory developed over the years by Bengston and Schrader (1982) and expanded later by other contemporary family sociologists. Family solidarity defined by close feelings and cohesion is constructed by family members through ongoing communication and day-to-day encounters so that they become the "in-group" while the rest of the world is "out-group." Such constant communication between aging parents and adult children has been made possible by modern means of communication facilitating inter generational solidarity in spite of long distances. This finding has been supported by Nussbaum et al (1995) suggesting that in modern times, child-parent relationship may remain strong across 70+ years if parents and children stay in consistent contact, show high levels of affection towards each other, help out when needed, avoid expression of hostile thoughts, and reach a consensus on values, beliefs and opinions.

However, we need to keep in mind that all communication takes place within a relationship context. The intergenerational communication takes place in the context of relational history. Only a few studies have actually looked at the actual intergenerational communication that transpires between adult children and their aging parents. Fewer have looked at the impact of geographical proximity or distance on intergenerational solidarity. With technological advances in the means of communication a whole new world of research possibilities has opened up.

While studying this topic, I thought why not do an informal online survey to find out if, like me, other people find these modern means useful to maintain intergenerational relationships? So I sent out an online survey to around 150 people who were on my e-mail list and lived either in the United States or India and had long-distance relationships with their parents or kids. I asked them to answer three open-ended questions: What means do you generally use to carry out intergenerational communication? What kind of intergenerational communication do you carry out with each of the tools you identified? Have these modern means of communication helped or hindered your intergenerational communication?

I got 66 responses which is a response rate of 44%. The respondents were between ages 18 to 65 years with an average age group of 35-50 years; 86% of respondents were women; 74% had a postgraduate degree or a doctorate; 37% of respondents lived in the U.S. , 54% lived in India,  and the remaining 8% lived in other countries of the world.

The sample included aging parents and adult children each talking about how they communicate with the other generation. Both sides expressed a preference for face-to-face talk but since they lived far away from each other, they were grateful that at least the technology is there to help them connect.

Most adult children used phone, e-mail, Skype and Facebook to communicate with their parents. Each medium was used for specific purposes. E-mail and Facebook were used more for sharing news, photos, and updates.  Skype video chat and phone were used for longer conversations and interactions with other family members as well. One adult child mentioned "With people elder to me, (I) use phone mostly for verbal communications, to connect regarding what's going on at their end, to ensure good health, and to update them with anecdotes, recent events, milestones related to my kids and family. I also benefit from their advice. I will also frequently email snaps to share with them."

On the other hand an aging parent said "Usually, I make use of Gmail, Skype online chat for communication with my son and our relatives and friends of his age. Most of the time, while chatting, I use our mother tongue. By using different types of smiles, I can express my moods, feelings and emotions. Many times I e-mail my special recipes also. I send them E-cards to congratulate, to inspire, to make them happy, confident and proud etc...! In these cards, I always write very informal words for my dear ones. Sometimes I include a self-written poem, in the same! I do video call, to see them directly, or video conference to talk with everybody at the same time. I like Facebook. I see the friends, activities, etc of my son on Facebook , but I do not interfere by writing any comment, on his wall. I update my profile, informing my activities, to him. I use mobile phone in emergency only. Occasionally I post handwritten air mail letters also.

There were mixed comments about how these means have helped or hindered inter- generational communication. One aging parent said: "Younger people are busy and an email that says need to talk or need to meet helps a lot as email is one-way communication, so no objections can be raised. Younger people also think that their time and privacy is being considered [and] they normally honor an email request." An adult child mentioned: "Initially it was difficult because parents in general would have a hard time learning the technology. But now, they are relatively fluent and excited to talk to us every week."  Another adult child argued "Phone calls seem more personalized...other means of communication are vital but they lack the human touch...hearing a person's voice, seeing a person online are much better than the impersonal messages and mails. Agreed sharing photos online is much easier and you get to see things as they are happening...but not everyone is that in touch with technology...so at times just picking up the phone and talking is the best! Also I think that it is easy to fake stuff in your mails/messages. But faking on the phone with someone who knows you real well is difficult...the human touch as I said earlier." An aging parent was concerned that "just like with every technology advancement, there will be disadvantages. The new generation kids might prefer texting instead of talking to their parents or grandparents."

Just an informal survey twirled up so many arguments and counterarguments from a small sample of aging parents and adult children. There is definitely a niche that family communication researchers need to start exploring. After all, as young researchers, right now we are adult children. But within the next 15 to 20 years when we change sides to become the aging parent, intergenerational communication and solidarity will be personally more important for our family well-being.  Already our 10-year-olds

know ins and outs of technology way more than their 40-year old moms. We have to consider the technology as an important agent when it comes to our relationships with our kids, may it be now or 25 years later when we will be maintaining that "long distance relationship" with our adult children.