NCFR scholars change lives. And here's proof.

NCFR has a Book Club twice a year. In the fall of 2010, we read Robert Milardo's book, Forgotten Kin: Aunts and Uncles.  One of the Book Club participants has a story to tell about it, and I have permission to tell it here. A few identifying factors will be changed for privacy, but the essential story remains. Our participant--let's call her Mary--read the book and soon applied the content with wonderful results.

Mary has two nephews--the sons of her brother. About 12 years ago, her brother went through a divorce. The mother of the boys had to relocate out of state for employment, and the boys went too. The older nephew eventually chose to come back to her brother to live and finish high school. However, the younger one was pretty much divorced from Mary's side of the family entirely. Mary thought she may never see him again. Then, taking a chance (because of the Book Club and learning how important these relationships are), she sent him a card and a nice check for his 18th birthday in June of 2011. She just signed it "I'm always your Auntie" and left it at that, never expecting to hear from him. She was even prepared to have the check returned if her nephew wanted to break ties. She hadn't had any contact with him since he was a little boy.

She was blown away by the results. Her nephew--let's call him Charlie--looked her up on Facebook and sent her a long, long message sharing all of his feelings about life and goals for his future.  It was just exhilarating for Mary!  Charlie shared that not only did he remember Aunt Mary, what he remembered the most about her was her penchant for practical jokes and gag gifts. 

Charlie started college this past fall of 2011. Aunt Mary made a commitment to Charlie to keep him laughing and to build that bridge that she thought was gone. Every two months or so, Mary sends him a classic college care package--$20 and some homemade fudge or a gag gift of some kind.  He looks forward to his packages and shares them with his friends. Her gifts are now part of the legend of his dorm floor. Everyone wants to see the crazy stuff that Charlie's aunt Mary sends. For Thanksgiving, he got an inflatable gag turkey. "Last time," she added,"it was a remote control whoopee cushion and enough pizza 'dough' to treat his friends to a Superbowl party."  His friends think he has the best aunt ever.  Mary knew she had reeled him back into the boat when he wrote in December with his new address--he changed rooms in the dorm and he wanted to make sure Mary had the address change. He didn't want to miss any packages!

Had Mary not read Forgotten Kin: Aunts and Uncles for the NCFR Book Club, she says she would've never had the courage to reach out. She missed half of his childhood, and she thought all was lost forever.  The book was convincing--aunts and uncles have a potential for unique generativity with their nieces and nephews. Mary reached out--and Charlie reached back.

It's moments like these when I realize the important influence that family scholars can have in families. Dr. Milardo did the research. NCFR member Mary applied it. Mary has her nephew back.  And now his dorm floor has an inflatable turkey, a remote control whoopee cushion and a pizza party every few weeks. Mary sends a big shout out to Bob Milardo for his life-changing work! 

Interested in aunts and uncles and their roles in families? Here's a link to purchase Dr. Milardo's book on Amazon.com.