My husband, my son and I love animals. In addition to our own Border Collie and two cats, we dogsit for all our friends and neighbors. It's amazing how attached we become to our "foster pets" as well.

This week one of our frequent houseguests, Roxy, had to be euthanized. She was (forgive me, Roxy) the ugliest dog I have ever seen in my life. First of all, in an injury she received as a puppy, her tongue received a cut and it never healed properly. As a result, her tongue was permanently forked. She no longer had any pain, but she smiled like a serpent which gave a sinister look to an otherwise sweet and loving dog.

She was a black Lab with mysterious bumps and growths all over her.... Her fur looked like a bear rug with marbles under it.  She was old--an ancient 14 going on 140, and she moved like a glacier. Then... the worst... and I won't dwell on it, but a description of her isn't complete without the following: she had unpredictable attacks of room-clearing flatulence.

But we loved Roxy! Our friends always left home for vacation feeling great, because when Roxy would get to our house, she recognized her home-away-from-home the minute they drove up. She would hop out of the car enthusiastically and pull like a sled dog to get to our door. She loved us, too.

One of the conundrums many parents must address with children is how best to deal with the death of a pet. More than one comedian has performed a routine about goldfish funerals and then a flush... but it's no laughing matter. There are truly no right answers here-so much is contextual.  So many factors must be weighed: the developmental stage of the child, the relationship the child had with the pet, how the pet died, whether other losses have occurred recently in a child's life-or whether one is imminent.

We lost our Cocker Spaniel, Mac, when our son was six*. Eric cried for most of three days. This was the only pet he'd known and they'd been together since our son was born. It was devastating. If you know it's coming, you can give it some thought... and even consult with some helpers such as a parent educator, the veterinarian or a clergyperson.

Mac's death was not a surprise, so I had some time to prepare for this parenting challenge. I suspected that Eric would ask if Mac went to heaven; I was right. He did ask. Not only is this complicated parenting stuff, parents can feel as if they are wading into some heavy-duty theology. Each family must work this through on feelings and faith. In my faith tradition, there is a scriptural reference to doves descending from heaven. I used this as evidence to explain to my son that it was my opinion that if God was telling us that there were doves in heaven, He probably meant that other animals are welcome there... and I believed Mac was there.

Another deliberation that soon follows is when or whether to get another pet? Again-no pat answers from me. When I lose a pet, I head right to the ASPCA to get another one-sometimes the same day. In my pragmatic adult mind, there is an animal in a cage somewhere who needs a home, and that's that. For others, this immediate step would seem like a disrespectful attempt at "replacing" something irreplaceable-or worse.  For some, it could complicate the grieving process. The late Fred Rogers, "Mr. Rogers," wrote a book for children on When a Pet Dies.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Pet-Dies-Fred-Rogers/dp/0698116666/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238896531&sr=8-1  Although I haven't read it in years, I remember it as a good resource. Important tip, however: Each child is so unique. Review it in advance to judge whether it is appropriate to read with the grieving child whom you love. At our local animal shelter, there are written resources available and pet loss support group meetings too.

One night long ago, years before I became a mother, I was watching the Tonight Show when guest Jimmy Stewart, the legendary actor, read a poem he wrote about the loss of his beloved dog, Beau. Tonight Show host (then), Johnny Carson, dabbed away a tear. Jimmy started to cry, and so did I. The clip is on YouTube. Please take a moment to watch it:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUNJjIwlHk8 .

Are you a parent educator-or a parent-who has dealt with pet loss?  Did you lose a pet as a child?  What was helpful for you?  Do you have any advice for families on the subject?  Please post a comment below. 

*My son is almost 21 today. I didn't remember exactly how old he was when Mac died, so I asked him.  He said "six" ... immediately.

 Acknowledgement: My thanks to colleague and expert family educator Wally Goddard for his helpful comments on all of the contextual and spiritual factors surrounding families and pet loss.