Doing the right thing is a part of our DNA. Human beings could not exist if we did not have an in-built sense that what we do affects other people.  We have created art, technology, and literature that benefit the creators but also benefit uncountable other people. On the other hand, there are times when we do the wrong thing.

Think of Joe Paterno, the recently fired coach of the Penn State Football team. Joe has done much good-building up libraries, endowing professorships, benching star athletes when they don't go to class, and being an all around outstanding human being. Yet, he turned a blind eye to the alleged sexual abuse that one of his assistant coaches committed in the showers of the locker room of Penn State. 

Paterno followed the letter of the law and reported the sexual abuse to University administrators. He did nothing else to protect children.  He knew the coach still had open access to children through a foundation the assistant coach had founded.

Paterno said that in hindsight he knows he should have done more. He is praying for the victims. I expect he will do many other things to make up for his inaction.

Doing the Wrong Thing

Joe Paterno is not the only person with an impeccable reputation, or even an everyday good reputation who does the wrong thing. Many people knew about the killing of the Jews in Nazi Germany and did nothing. During World War II, the ship the St. Louis carried almost 1000 Jews from country to country asking for asylum. They were turned down. The ship returned to Germany and many of these passengers died in concentration camps.

That so many people knew of the killing of the Jews and others the Nazis did not like caused world-wide concern. Stanley Milgram performed experiments to try to understand why good people do bad things.  He set up situations where some students were "teachers" and others were "learners." The "teachers" were told to push a button that caused an electric shock when the "learners" could not learn the lesson.

The lesson was to learn word pairs.  For each wrong answer, the "teachers" were told to increase the intensity of the shock.  The "teachers" could not see the "learners," but they could hear the screams,  cries, and banging on furniture and walls.  Most of the "teachers" continued to give shocks, some up to 450 volts. Milgram and others replicated this experiment several times with other students in other places.  The "teachers" did not know that the "learners" were actors who received no shocks at all.

In the 1970s, Stanford University Professor Phil Zimbardo did an experiment where some students played prison guards and others played prisoners. Within a short period of time, the student prison guards became sadistic. They deprived "prisoners" of food, water, and sleep.  They sprayed "prisoners" with foam from fire extinguishers and stripped them naked.

There are many other examples of the terrible things that apparently good people do. That good people can do bad things is hard to accept. Those of us who know about such terrible deeds ask, "How can they do such things?" I don't know whether those of us who wonder these things also realize that many people who have done such things experience life-long guilt. The deed, however, is done. They cannot undo the harm they have done.

Ironically, those of us who ask, "How can they do such things?" may have done some bad things themselves.  There are, of course, degrees of harm. Yelling at a child might not be as egregious as murder, rape, extortion, and stealing from the poor to enrich themselves but doing anything that hurts others is wrong.

Admit We Have Done Wrong

So, what do we do so that we live up to our senses of ourselves as good people?  There are two avenues to pursue.  What to do when we have harmed others and what to do to prevent ourselves from harming others in the first place.

Doing Harm: Detaching from the Humanity of Others

If we have hurt others, we have to admit it, learn how to take responsibility for the harm we cause, make reparation for the harm, and do all we can not to do such harm again.

Survival

When we harm others, we have detached from their humanity and caught up in something else, such as what we want is more important than the other person. What we want could be survival. In these circumstances, we believe that if we speak up for someone else, we could be killed, or we could be excluded from the group. At these decision points, the instinct for our own survival outweighs our concern for others.

Authority

Some people who have harmed others by doing nothing often say that they were obeying someone with authority over them. They could have been afraid of what would happen to them if they disobeyed. One man, a combat veteran, said that his captain put a gun to his head and said, "You shoot or I will kill you." So he shot the women and children lined up against the wall in front of him. When he got leave and went home, the police found him walking down the street in the middle of the night naked. He was in a locked psychiatric ward for 90 days. The psychiatrists said he had had a psychotic break related to combat trauma. He had no prior history of mental illness.

The students in the Milgram experiment said they were obeying authority. They did so despite the screams, cries, and banging that resulted from their administration of shocks.  I don't know if anyone helped them with their guilt afterward. For them, shocking others must have seemed like a good idea at the time. I believe that many enjoyed themselves. The thrill of power sometimes blots out concern for others.

Belonging & Having Fun

Other circumstances associated with doing the wrong thing is the desire to be part of a group.  This is called groupthink, which can be quite powerful. The desire to belong and the sense of joy and safety in belonging can outweigh concerns for others. There are many documented instances where otherwise good people get involved in violence. An example is college students who whoop and holler during gang rapes. The excitement of being part of a group and the "fun" of it outweighs concerns for the person being raped. Later, many feel terrible about what they had participated in.

Having Fun & Guilt Afterward

The students in the Stanford Prison Experiment abused the power they had abused the "prisoners." I have no doubt many enjoyed themselves. They whooped and hollered with the other "guards" just as the U.S. soldiers did at Abu Gharib prison in Baghdad during the invasion of Iraq in the mid 2000s. Those people had FUN tormenting others. I would think the guilt that followed these terrible actions was a practically debilitating burden.

Preventing Ourselves from Harming Others in the First Place

The old saying, "It seemed like a good thing at the time," has some merit. When people act badly toward others, they feel good about it.  In their minds, they are doing the right thing. They believe at the time that people deserve to be treated badly, or, it feels really good to make people scream and cry, or, they believe that their actions do not really hurt anyone, or they enjoy being part of a group, or it is better that I survive than act on behalf of others.

There are many possible ways not to fall into these kinds of behaviors. I will make some suggestions. My suggestions are not in the order of importance. What is of highest priority to one person may not be the highest priority for another.

Watch for Sensations of Unreality

One of the first signs that we are about to do something harmful is a sense of not being all there. There can be physical sensations in the head and abdominal area. Somehow we are outside of ourselves, almost as if we are watching ourselves do bad things to others.  Feelings of unreality can be quite pleasant. It fact, anticipating doing something hurtful to others can be a pleasant rush. Resist the pull to go with those sensations.

About the Author

Jane F. Gilgun is a writer and professor. She does research on the meanings of violence to perpetrators, how persons overcome adversities, and the development of violent behaviors. She is a professor at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA, School of Social Work. See Professor Gilgun's other articles, children's stories, and books on scribd.com, Kindle, and iBooks.